We Get the Behavior We Tolerate—How to Hold the Line When Customers Cross It

What do you do when a customer is being condescending and disrespectful—but you still have to help?

That’s the question a customer service professional asked me recently, and it stopped me in my tracks. Because I know how common—and how tough—this situation is. You’re doing your job. You’re showing up with professionalism and empathy. But the person on the other end of the call or counter? They’re crossing a line.

This post is my answer.

Prefer to watch? Here’s a quick video where I walk through this exact strategy:

You can help a customer without tolerating disrespect. You can stay composed and still set firm boundaries. And most importantly, you can walk away from these conversations with your dignity intact.

Let’s talk about how.

Respect Is a Boundary, Not a Bonus

First, let's clarify one important point: respect is not something extra that customers can choose to give or withhold. It is a fundamental part of any professional interaction. As I like to say, "Respect is a boundary, not a bonus." This shift in mindset is crucial when approaching difficult customer interactions.

The Power of Not Absorbing Negativity

When faced with a condescending or disrespectful customer, your instinct may be to internalize their behavior. However, here’s a game-changing tip: don’t absorb it. Instead, focus on deflecting it. Here’s how:

1. Take a deep breath.

2. Regulate your tone.

3. Respond clearly and professionally.

Remember, you control how you react. By refusing to absorb their negativity, you are already halfway toward resolving the situation.

Your Go-To Response for Disrespectful Behavior

You might be wondering, "What exactly should I say?" Here’s a powerful phrase to use:  

"I want to help you, but I need us to keep this conversation respectful so I can do that."  

This statement accomplishes three things:

1. It affirms your willingness to help.

2. It sets a clear boundary for respectful communication.

3. It puts the responsibility back on them to adjust their behavior.

We Get the Behavior We Tolerate

There’s a saying that resonates in these situations: "We get the behavior we tolerate." This applies not just to customer service but to all aspects of life. By addressing disrespectful behavior head-on, you are not only standing up for yourself in the moment but also setting the tone for future interactions.

How to Be Professional While Setting Boundaries

You might worry that setting boundaries could come across as unprofessional. However, the truth is that professionalism does not mean being a pushover. In fact, handling disrespect with calm assertiveness is the epitome of professionalism. Here’s how to strike that balance:

1. Stay calm: Your composure is your superpower.

2. Be clear: State your expectations for respect without ambiguity.

3. Remain solution-focused: Always circle back to how you can help once the interaction is respectful.

The Long-Term Benefits of Setting Boundaries

By consistently addressing disrespectful behavior, you are not just improving your day-to-day work life; you are contributing to a culture of mutual respect in customer service. This can lead to:

- Increased job satisfaction.

- Better customer relationships in the long run.

- A more positive work environment for you and your colleagues.

My Challenge For You: Practice Makes Perfect

I challenge you to put these strategies into practice. The next time you encounter a disrespectful customer, take a deep breath, remember that respect is a boundary, and calmly state your expectations. It may feel uncomfortable initially, but with practice, it will become second nature.

Remember, you have both the right and the responsibility to demand the respect you deserve. You can be kind and professional while still drawing the line. It’s not just okay to do this; it's essential for your well-being and the quality of service you provide.

So, stand tall, speak clearly, and show the world (and your customers) that respect is non-negotiable in your interactions. You’ve got this!

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