You Might Be Calming Customers the Wrong Way

Recently, I saw a video trend that first made me laugh, then made me reflect on what really goes on in tough customer moments.

Picture this: a child is having a full-blown meltdown—tears, yelling, the works. But instead of bargaining or reasoning, the parent says, with complete composure:

“Jessica? …Jessica, are you there?”

The child pauses, looks up, bewildered—because their name isn’t Jessica. Suddenly, the emotional storm breaks.

It’s a funny scene, but it’s also packed with insight about human behavior.

When emotions are running high, logic just doesn’t land.

Doesn’t matter if it’s a toddler, an upset customer, or anyone else. When someone’s upset, they’re not thinking rationally—they’re reacting. And too often, we respond the same way every time:

We explain. We repeat ourselves. We try to keep our cool and hope it works.

But here’s the truth: calm explanations don’t break through emotional reactions.

What that parent did was powerful—they disrupted the pattern.

This is exactly what I teach in the “Regulate” phase of my 3R Conversation Control System. Before you can steer a conversation or solve anything, you have to shift the emotional state.

Here are three ways to interrupt the pattern when a customer is over the line:

1. Step off the emotional track

When customers are escalated, they’re not just upset—they’re stuck on a loop. Same tone, same complaints, same cycle. And when we try to explain or defend, we end up on that loop with them. That’s why things just keep circling.

To break it, you have to step off that track. Instead of, “Let me explain why…,” try, “We’re not going to fix this in this tone. Let’s pause for a second.”

That simple shift interrupts the emotional rhythm and brings structure to the conversation. Now you’re not just reacting—you’re setting new terms.

2. Name what’s happening without making it worse

When emotions spike, self-awareness drops. People can’t hear themselves or see their impact—they’re just reacting. If you ignore it, nothing changes. If you confront it too hard, it can escalate further.

Instead, calmly name the moment: “I can hear how intense this is. Let’s slow down so we can move forward,” or, “I want to help you, and the best way to do that is to steady this conversation.”

You’re not scolding. You’re stabilizing, which opens the door for you to lead the interaction.

3. Redirect before you resolve

This is where many go wrong—they try to fix the problem while emotions are still running high. That’s like giving directions to someone who’s not listening.

Shift the energy first. Then give a clear next step: “Here’s what we’re going to do next.” Now you’re guiding the conversation, not just responding to it.

The goal isn’t to win. It’s to regain control of the moment.

That’s the real lesson in that video trend. It’s not about the next thing you say—it’s about breaking the emotional cycle right now. Once you can do that, everything else flows from there. 

That’s what the “Jessica” trend gets right.

It’s not about what you say next.
It’s about interrupting what’s happening now.

That’s exactly where my 3R Conversation Control Training begins.