How to Receive Constructive Feedback Constructively

Myra Golden

 

 

What do Tiger Woods, Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith and several Fortune 500 executives have in common. THEY ALL HAVE A COACH. And they all value the feedback they get from their coaches. I just read that P Diddy paid his personal coach $7000 per day to help him train for the New York Marathon. Even the best among us need coaching.

It's hard for most of us to accept constructive feedback gracefully---especially when this feedback is from our boss. No one likes to be criticized and it's tough to listen to a supervisor point out our flaws. It's tough even when we know what they are saying is true.

I have written this article exclusively for employees who have challenges receiving feedback from their bosses. I'll walk you through the most common ways we all respond to constructive feedback and then I'll give you some tips for responding to feedback, both when that constructive feedback is justified and when it is not justified.

I'll start this discussion with a quick look at three common ways most of us respond to constructive feedback. Next, I'll give you a tried and proven blueprint for responding to constructive criticism with grace.

Here's how most of us respond to constructive feedback:

1. We go on the defensive. This is a very common response, also a very natural response to constructive criticism. We go on the defensive and make statements that DEFEND us - we are trying to justify, or at least explain why we did what we did. The problem with a defensive response is that we are so focused on defending our actions or positions that we don't really even listen to the feedback. And if we don't listen to it, the feedback can't help us--we don't learn from it.

2. We offer a counter attack. A lot of us do this. When receiving feedback that is constructive, we immediately attack the other person. These statements are great examples of going on the counter Attack:

"If taking calls is so important, then why don't the supervisors pick up the phones and help us when we're getting slammed". (ouch!)

"Kimberly does the same exact thing, but I don't hear her supervisor talking to her about it."

Clearly, these statements are nothing more than counter attacks. And again, if we're offering a counter attack, we're not truly listening to the feedback. And if we're not listening to the feedback, how can really improve our performance or behavior?

3. We attempt to save face. We can do this with a statement of denial, justification, or even a defensive response. The problem with this response is we are so focused on maintaining an impression of positive performance that we're not receptive to ideas for improving our actual performance.

With each of these responses we demonstrate that we are not listening to the constructive feedback.

And if we are not listening, our supervisor, coach, or manager, feels they have to repeat the feedback, reiterate, stress the point - and that makes us even more uncomfortable. And we in turn, respond with more defense, and pretty soon, the conversation is unproductive, emotions may get involved, and no positive change results.

Now that we've reviewed some of the most common ineffective ways to respond to feedback, let's look at exactly how you should respond to constructive feedback you believe to be true and the feedback that you feel is completely unjustified.

How to Respond to Constructive Feedback With Grace

Listen. Keep an open mind. Everyone makes mistakes, and we can all use improvement in some areas. Resist the temptation to argue or make excuses.

Ask for specific examples. Don't accept generalities such as "poor," "disappointing," or "lousy." Politely ask your boss to tell you exactly what is wrong. Questions like, "Exactly what was wrong with the call" or a request such as, "Help me to understand what you mean by 'poor'" should help you to get some useful information.

Evaluate the criticism. If it is valid, accept it gracefully and with a positive attitude. Tell your boss you appreciate his or her comments and be enthusiastic about your willingness and ability to use the suggestions to improve your performance.

Keep the useful information, but let go of the negative feelings. Don't dwell on the embarrassment of being criticized. Hold your head up high and move on.

There will be times that you receive constructive criticism that you strongly feel is UN JUSTIFIED. So how do you handle this type of criticism? Here's what you do ---three things:

If you feel the criticism is unjustified:

Stay neutral. Remember, you don't want to take a defensive position, go on the counter attack, OR attempt to save face. Just listen, keep a neutral expression on your face, and let your supervisor complete her statement.

Don't push back. Don't tune out of the conversation, don't argue, don't attempt to justify, or defend. These behaviors rob you of creditably. You want to establish and maintain credibility and have a great sense of professionalism throughout the conversation.

This last tip may surprise you, but I suggest you try it anyway: Say, "You might be right---"

Now, you don't use this statement to say you agree with the feedback. Remember: we're still talking about feedback we feel is unjustified. You use this statement to get your supervisor to back down and move on. This statement: "You might be right" works like a charm. Do yourself a favor and try it.

Now that you know exactly how to respond to feedback - both when it's justified AND when it's not justified, receiving constructive criticism from your supervisor won't be nearly as challenging for you.

Remember - if you keep on open, objective mind, you just might learn something that makes you better and more effective.

About Myra Golden

Myra Golden delivers dynamic customer service training that positions companies to build customer loyalty, restore customer confidence after service mishaps and recover customers. Her programs include onsite training, webinars, and on-demand E-Learning for frontline staff, supervisors, and managers. She is the co-author of Beyond WOW: The Service Leadership Approach to Exceptional Service.   Customer Service Newsletter Get real-world tips & techniques for WOWing customers, dealing with difficult customers, and handling complaints with finesse delivered right to your inbox - FREE.   Sign up now and we'll give you a 6-pack of Myra Golden's  Dealing with Difficult Customers videos. You'll be able to download the videos immediately!   Sign Up Now